Updated: Jun 26
I barely told anyone about my surgery leading up to it. I went from excited to nervous and back to excited about every other day. I contemplated not even going through with it and I even had dreams that something would go wrong.
On the morning of my surgery I was late, and Shawn fussed, lol. I remember yelling at him "I just told you that I died in a dream and you are fussing at me?!?"
We made it only 10 minutes late and I was called to the back pretty quickly, I was relieved when I knew my nurse and we caught up on life. Not even an hour later, I was being wheeled to surgery.
I remember waking up and asking for apple juice. I'm not sure why, but every time I am put under the first thing I want when I wake up is apple juice. I wasn't in much pain just couldn't move due to a catheter and all I wanted to do was stand up. I was shown a picture of 2 one pound "chicken cutlets" that were removed from my belly and told that I had a 6 inch section of abdominal muscle that had to be repaired. Other than that; the ablation was also a success and my recovery should be fine. I had a tummy tuck, there I said it and I'm not sorry about it.
I didn't want to talk about it because honestly, I didn't want to hear the opinions and thoughts of others. Also, it seems like every time someone tells you their experience they tell you all the bad, not something I need before I go under the knife, lol. I was worried because I'm a yoga instructor, I preach body empowerment, love yourself regardless of your flaws...and here I was sitting in a consultation for a tummy tuck.
Here's the thing; I love my body and all it's curves but the fact of the matter is those abs were never going to fix themselves, leaving me with a pouch that made me look like I was always 4 months pregnant even when I weighed 120 pounds. I'm the healthiest I have ever been in my life and I didn't feel that way when I looked down and could barely see my toes.
While that flab was a reminder that I carried a child; it also reminded me of every single miscarriage I suffered, it reminded me of my ectopic pregnancy, and it reminded me that no matter how much I looked pregnant, I was never going to be able to carry a baby. I decided with the support of my amazing husband that this was the right option for me.
The doctor that I wanted to perform the procedure, Dr. Mes, was going to be retiring in December 2019 and the ablation was something that I've needed for a long time now so I decided to do the two procedures at the same time.
I had to spend the night in the hospital which was actually just a night of me online shopping and Facebook stalking while Shawn slept on the tiny couch in the corner. I was discharged the next morning pretty early and was able to sleep a little better once I got home.
The first few days were a blur from all the meds. The drains drove me crazy; they felt like they were going to come out when I stood up, they were uncomfortable when I sat or should I say slouched, and draining them wasn't the funniest either. I pretty much don't remember a whole lot from the first 5 days. On day 6, I had my drains pulled and was finally able to take a shower. I thought this would bring relief but it brought depression. I was an idiot and fixed dinner and did the laundry because I felt better, stupid move. I was in pain by the evening and I barely slept that night. Day 7 was rough for me, emotionally and mentally. I couldn't do anything for myself, I couldn't sleep the way I like, I had to avoid snuggling with my dogs because there was a risk of infection. I was basically stuck in bed while the whole world continued to revolve. I ended up binge watching murder documentaries all night and didn't fall asleep until 7am the next morning.
Towards the end of week one, I had slowly started to work my business and focus on school again so I started to feel somewhat productive.
On day 8; I slept so good that night, only waking up once for 90 minutes! I started hurting more in week two as the numbness began to wear off. My lower back ached without the girdle on and standing up straight is definitely out of the question.
I started to feel so much better by the end of week two and was even released to do what my body could handle so I slowly started to work out again. It's like I started yoga over again which has been quite humbling to say the least. My entire front side was tight and I could barely put myself in poses like cobra that were once a breeze. I've been discouraged and I honestly cried the first time I practiced but I've channeled that into focusing on rebuilding my practice.
This week started off great, I would have never known I had surgery if it wasn't for the dissolving staples that my body rejected and pushed out. I swear this was more uncomfortable than the surgery itself. They would work there way to the surface and I would pop the skin near it and pull it out with the tweezers, it was just as intense as I just described too, lol. I started sleeping on my stomach again this week so I feel so much more rested than I have in the last few weeks. Workouts are still difficult but I'm giving myself grace and I just keep reminding myself that I had major surgery less than a month ago.
This week was unexpectedly hard. I'm pretty sure that I just pushed myself too much last week. I'm starting to get more feeling back in my belly especially around my belly button and it can be a bit uncomfortable. I've also started teaching again so it's been nice to get a sense of normalcy back in my life.
It's the week of my 36th birthday and I've had a boudoir shoot planned forever. I decided to go with the theme "birthday suit" and took over 70 photos completely nude. I have never felt so empowered in my life. Not just because of how my body looked but the sense of pride that I had for myself. I overcame addiction, infertility, a toxic marriage, and weight struggles. I brought myself to those points but I dug myself out the mud to do better and be better. This shoot was a symbol of rebirth for me so it was only appropriate that I represent in my birthday suit! I'm pretty much back to normal with life and only feel my scar when I'm weight training.
It's officially a new year and I'm more than ready to kick this year off with a bang! I have so many ideas for work and I feel like my energy level is back and I'm officially back to normal. The only issues that I have are when I feel the nerves reconnecting. There are still some yoga poses that I just don't feel like my body is ready for so I'm still being really patient with my practice. The last thing I need is to injure myself and be out of commission again!
You would know that as soon as I get my shit together the world would start to fall apart! Quarantine did a number on me in a big way. Not only did I slack on my workouts, I ate crap, and I barely got any work done. I honestly didn't do anything productive for the first month. Besides my scar, you wouldn't even know I had surgery. I'm able to do pretty much everything that I was doing before with no restrictions. The one thing that I have noticed is the strength that I'm building in the area of abs that were repaired. I used to struggle with any core work on my back. It didn't matter how often I did the exercises, they just never seemed to get easier for me and actually ended up causing me pain.
Just living my best life
The recovery was a lot more difficult than I imagined and I gained 8 pounds during quarantine but I feel so much better all around. I can finally wear pants that zip and button without having to get a size bigger to fit over my pooch and my lower back has stopped hurting since I'm finally able to strengthen my core properly. If I had to do it all over again, I would in a heartbeat.
If you're worried about what others will think, screw them. If it's something you want to do and can afford, I say go for it! I'm definitely not a medical professional and my experience could differ from yours but I'm hear if you want to chat more!
"Life is too short to spend another day at war with yourself"
Peace, Love, Yoga
Crazy Cajun Yogi